Non-Lemonade Stands for Summer

"Lemonaaade! Get your freshly squeezed lemonade! Come on, sir, it's only fifty cents! Erm, I'm deeply sorry, Madam."

Lemonade stands. We've all seen them: poorly constructed wooden tables set up on the sidewalk, complete with a full pitcher of "lemonade," bags of lemons, sacks of sugar, a few quarters, and, of course, two seemingly adorable kids whose sales pitch includes lines like: "C'mon, tubby, you know you want it," and "Think of the children!" But these familiar old summer moneymakers have gotten a bit stale. I'd like to suggest that enterprising Sparklers create new stands, better stands, stands that are a bit...out of the ordinary:

The Replace that "F" with an "A" Stand

We've all been there: report card day. You're sitting in your classroom, the clock is creeping closer and closer to 3:00 pm, your legs are shaking, the scent of your sweat is beginning to disturb your fellow classmates, and you're putting the finishing touches on your will (Elvis, your turtle, gets the fancy star-shaped pin in your pocket and the last oatmeal cookie that you'd called dibs on). When the bell sounds, your teacher hands you a sealed envelope. Impatient, you tear it open and stare, in utter shock, at the collection of Fs scattered across the page before you. Need a solution? Look no further! The Replace that "F" with an "A" stand is at your service! Using the gift of modern technology, *cough*white-out*cough*, the owners of this stand will replace one of those unfortunate Fs with a flawless A for just a $1.99! Now, that's a deal, my friend.

The Friend-For-a-Day Stand

Feelin' lonely? The Friend-For-a-Day stand has the solution! Whether it's going to the movies and complaining about the overly buttery popcorn, spending some time on the local park's swings, in hopes of swinging "on through to the other side," or having a sleepover "let's-stay-up-braiding-and-rebraiding-our-hair-for-the-next-five-hours-over," this tempting friend experience could be yours for the low price of $0.99! See you soon, BFFTNTFH (Best Friend for the Next Twenty-Four Hours).

The Sibling for Sale Stand

Tired of that annoying sibling? Has s/he ruined your favorite jeans or beheaded your beloved old Barbie doll—again? We feel your pain! With the help of the Sibling for Sale stand, you can get rid of that pesky brother/sister faster than you can say: "Put down my Harry Potter action figure, you little rascal!" For just $1.50, we can temporarily distract your possessed demon little rascal by providing a collection of Barbies ready for beheading, and a variety of expensive outfits just asking to be ruined. Seriously, what more could anyone ask for?!

The Hideout Stand

Self-explanatory.

The FML Stand

Find yourself saying, "Eff my life" on a daily basis? Whether it's spotting your crush snickering behind your mother as she holds up a pair of polka-dotted underwear and exclaims, "I am SO getting these," or learning that the name on your birth certificate doesn't match the name you'd been using for sixteen bloody years (it's actually spelt "Thaksena"...ew), you'll find help at the FML stand. Here, we have an unlucky elite group of individuals who will listen to your heartwrenching stories, supply you with a box of the finest tissues, and pat you on the shoulder, if need be. For the low price of $2.99, this deal could be yours! Now that's a FYMLR (Eff yeah, my life rocks!)