Help! My Friend Has No Taste in Music

Maybe there's one in your life: the sig other who only listens to one awful subgenre of emo, the best friend whose favorite album is "NOW That’s What I Call Music!"…this person is wonderful, but being around him/her makes your ears hurt. And the worst part is, s/he won’t even admit there's a problem.

Obviously, you can’t change him by telling him outright that his music sucks. But a compromise like the 50/50 rule is dangerous. Sure, you can try to dazzle her with your music for an hour, but when she says, "Great, my turn!" and follows up with an hour of screamo or rap-metal, it will spell doom for your relationship.

Not to fear. If you have an S.O. or a BFF who you aren’t willing to abandon to the dangers of his own musical preferences, we can help. Here are the do’s and don’ts for your task ahead.

Do These Things:

• Take a few uncomfortable moments to listen to “the sound” of one of his bands. Even awful groups draw inspiration from classic artists, so consider what good bands the lame ones might have drawn on. If he loves…. ugh… Panic at the Disco (who recently split), you could try playing some Buzzcocks, the originators of pop punk and an incredibly fun band. Use the old “If you love _____, then you’ll enjoy _____ because they were doing the same thing, like, twenty years earlier!” line.

• Use this strategy in reverse as needed: As much as you like Metallica, your friend is driving you insane by playing Master of Puppets absolutely every time you see her. So send some modern metal acts her way. Keep in mind her particular affections. If she plays “Battery” over and over, the thrash of Venom might get her going. If the whole epic song structure is her thing, Mastodon should impress her and give you some relief.

• Subtly put down the artists he listens to. But don’t come across as too judgmental: reach out for some middle ground, too. For the friend who hasn’t gotten over Pink Floyd’s "The Wall" and insists on hearing it to the drawn-out, pretentious finish, suggest skipping around to hit the highlights. “Oh yeah, ‘Comfortably Numb’ and ‘Hey You’ are masterpieces. But isn’t the last half a little obvious? I guess I’m just not into over-the-top symbolism.” Even if he doesn’t agree with your assessment, your critique may make him self-conscious enough to switch to "Dark Side" when you're around. Don’t use this tactic on fragile egos, though. Just the ones that need deflating.

Don’t Do These Things:

• Do not talk over the song, saying things like, “The good part is coming up” or “Just listen, this is my favorite part!” A great song will do magic on its own. Also, play the song through—I had a friend who fast-forwarded to the chorus of every song, and I never heard more than one minute of any band he liked, leaving me to wonder whether he even liked them.

• On the other hand, know when to skip the filler tracks from your favorite albums. Sure, you may lurrrve every song, but certain songs might be too slow, weird, or cheesy to enjoy until your friend has grown to love the artist overall. For instance, while trying to convince someone MJ is worth all this fuss, you would avoid “The Girl is Mine” from "Thriller" because it’s disgusting and schlocky.

• If your friend shows interest, don’t go overboard. Just because you get her into Soundgarden doesn’t mean she's gonna go for Chris Cornell’s goofy solo album produced by Timbaland (why?). And even if she falls for "Highway 61 Revisited" in a big way, this does not mean she is ready for the creaky, old man blues Dylan is up to these days. You have to slowly expose her to these things—don’t risk losing her trust. Make her think you have her best interests at heart.

If these don’t work, relax. You two can still be friends or sig others. But you probably shouldn’t get married, unless the idea of having kids who listen to Jonas Brothers while you listen to Zeppelin appeals to you. It’s just not worth the risk.

How do you deal with friends or gf/bfs with no taste? Do you wave goodbye or do you have some tricks up your sleeve for his/her musical education?