Falling for Fangs

These days, the newest hunks all seem to have the same physical characteristics: pale skin, odd hours, and some frighteningly sharp incisors. From original bad boy Count Dracula and southern gentleman Bill in True Blood to the heartthrob Edward Cullen from Twilight, vampires are the new black. But why do we adore vampires so much? Instead of loving these blood-suckers, shouldn’t we be fearing for our lives?

Here are some possible reasons that those who want to steal our blood have now stolen our hearts:

1. Flying is so much more convenient than driving. Why fear the price of gas when you can just soar above the treetops to go to the movies? There’s no grander prom entrance than flying through the window. When you are dating a vampire, you can kiss traffic goodbye and laugh when your parents say you can’t borrow the car. And it’s environmentally friendly to boot!

2.    Their age. OK, your parents might have a problem with you dating someone older, so maybe you shouldn’t mention that your new significant other has a few centuries on you. You’re only as old as you feel, right? Besides, think of how easy it will be to write your history essays if you can talk to someone who was actually AT the Civil War.

3.    You get your days to yourself. No being suffocated by neediness with these guys. Vampire will let you enjoy your days as you normally do, then swing by in the evening to hear about it all. And for those days when you're suffering from insomnia or pulling an all-nighter, you know that you always have a partner in crime.

4.    Vampires are so much cooler than the other undead. Who wants to date a drooling, incoherent zombie? They’ll just chase you around all the time and ruin every meal out by asking the waiter if they serve brain. Mummies have bad fashion sense and there are no good-looking ghouls out there anymore. Vampires are classy, cultured, and refined. The other undead couldn’t hold a candle to them (nor should they; you know how vampires feel about light).

5.    They are the complete package. Kind, worldly, smart, AND can lift a tree out of the earth? Sign me up. It’s pretty hard for us humans to compete with creatures that have all the time in the world and devotion so fierce they search the globe for their one true love. Their super-human strength means they can hold up your car while you wash the tires and their incredible speed would be invaluable for when the Britney Spears tickets are about to go on sale. As long as you have an endless supply of turtlenecks, you will be forever happy!

Sparklers, why do you love vampires? Why are they so hot, and would you want to be one?