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The SparkNotes Traffic Game

The SparkNotes Traffic Game

Whether you're leaving a concert, heading to a baseball game, or just trying to get to the beach on Friday, chances are good that at some point during the summer, you will get stuck in traffic. When this happens, you have three options: Try to relax with some music. Complain to the windshield. Or play the SparkNotes traffic game.

The rules are simple:

Spot the items and events listed below and award yourself the corresponding points. The first person in the car to score 100 points wins. To ensure that you always have this game handy, print this out, memorize it, or tattoo it backwards on your belly so you can read it in a mirror.

Items and Events to Sp0t:

  • A lone shoe on the side of the road. (5 pts.)
  • Someone wearing only one shoe, walking along the highway searching for the other shoe. (25 pts.)
  • A lone Wonder Woman boot along the side of the road. (30 pts.)
  • Something purple. (2 pts.)
  • Something else purple. (3 pts.)
  • Something else, besides those first two things, that is also purple. (4 pts.)
  • Something not purple at all. (5 pts.)
  • Ashtray holding a flattened souvenir penny. (6 pts. for each penny)
  • A passenger in another car dangling her foot out of the window. (9 pts.)
  • A driver in another car dangling her foot out of the window. (20 pts.)
  • An orange car driven by someone who looks uncannily like a pumpkin. (10 pts.)
  • Someone who looks like a cast member from The Real World. (30 pts.)
  • An actual cast member from The Real World. (1 pt.)
  • A map of a state you've never been to. (10 pts.)
  • A map of something that doesn't exist any more, such as East Germany or New Jersey's Action Park. (32 pts.)
  • A jerk on a motorcycle who passes everyone on the highway's shoulder. (5 pts.)
  • A jerk on Rollerblades who passes everyone on the highway's shoulder. (25 pts. Add another 50 pts. if the jerk looks at you as he passes and blows a kiss.)
  • Empty commemorative can of soda that promotes an event that took place more than three years ago. For instance, the 2000 Olympics or Christmas '82. (12 pts.)
  • Someone named Harris. (30 pts.)
  • A child in the car in front of yours who looks back at you in a creepy way, as if he's silently judging you. (8 pts.)
  • A bumper sticker that promotes organ donation. (6 pts.)
  • A bumper sticker that promotes keeping your own organs. (30 pts.)
  • An exit on the highway that you should have taken but didn't, and now you think you made a huge mistake. (1 pt.)
  • A broken down car along the side of the road. (3 pts.)
  • A broken down helicopter along the side of the road. (3 pts.)
  • A broken down old man along the side of the road who wishes he could repair his relationship with his daughter. (12 pts. and add another 10 pts. if you give him a quarter to call his daughter and start the healing process.)
  • Kathy Griffin (25 pts.)
  • A tractor trailer hauling carnival rides. (4 pts.)
  • A tractor trailer hauling carnival ride operators. (10 pts.)
  • An empty, barren hill that would be ideal for sledding in the winter if not for its proximity to the highway and that one lousy tree. (10 pts.)
  • An empty area of land that would make an ideal spot for burying a victim. (15 pts.)
  • An animal that you convince yourself is just napping in the middle of the road and not really dead. (10 pts.)
  • A cloud that looks like Miley Cyrus high-fiving Kanye West. (2 pts.)
  • A shooting star. (30 pts.)
  • A shooting planet. (31 pts.)
  • The three of hearts. (14 pts.)
  • Something that looks like a raisin, but isn't a raisin. (20 pts.)
  • A billboard that features words that could be modified to spell something naughty by altering or changing three letters or fewer. (15 pts.)
  • A random house in the middle of nowhere, that makes you wonder who the heck lives there, and what do they do for a living. (10 pts.)
  • Mean, scary-looking truck driver who's driving a Babies R Us tractor trailer. (10 pts.)
  • A crying cop. (8 pts.)
  • Stevie Wonder without his glasses (5 pts.)
  • A big ol' pile of rocks. (7 pts.)
  • A Hula-Hoop not being used for its original purpose. (9 pts.)
  • A robot that understands love. (3 pts.)
  • Someone who has never seen an R-rated movie. (10 pts.)
  • A gray car. (90 pts.)

Good luck!

Topics: Life

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