Recently, your friends here at SparkNotes shared a few tips with you about how to get rid of a younger sibling. But some of you asked about getting rid of a more challenging, even wilier pest: the older sibling, home from college.
It's bad enough that you missed them while they were gone; it's even worse now that they've come back different. They don't really seem to the grasp the subtle line separating "educated" from "know-it-all," let alone the one that divides "mature" and "smug." But these are qualities that you can use to your advantage. Here's how to deal:
Tune them out. There's one thing that your average college student can't stand to be exposed to, and you've got an unlimited supply of it: mainstream pop music. Your older sibling has probably come back with an unhealthy obsession with either Radiohead or Bob Dylan. In this vulnerable condition, all it takes to send him shuffling moodily into the night are the dulcet strains of Lady Gaga emanating from your speakers.
Engineer decoy events. Your collegian has gotten used to having exciting places to go every night. Play into that by inventing your own exciting events. Post fliers advertising a local gig by her favorite shoe-gazer band. Tell him you read about a protest that's happening downtown. Even dummy up an invitation for her one-year high school reunion, being held at some obscure locale on the other side of town. It'll get your sib out of the house for a few hours, during which time you can have the Xbox to yourself.
Master the art of intellectual judo. After a year of college, your older sibling probably has his major narrowed down to just six or seven options. Chances are you know just enough about one of these majors to start an argument. Say something that's totally and offensively ignorant—"Sonnets are for people too lazy to write sixteen lines" or "We wouldn't need polymers if people could just make up their minds," for example. Let things spin off from there. While your older sibling is off digging up voluminous supporting materials to prove you wrong, you can watch a DVD or something.
Beg for a ride. When all else fails, there's no faster way to make a college student disappear than saying loudly and to nobody in particular, "Can anybody take me to the mall?"
Tell us how you're dealing with the return of your older sibs in the comments.
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