Hate Your First Date?

Liz_Nash is a regular contributor to SparkLife. Her posts have been some of your favorites: How to Survive a Party, Girls Prefer Boys Who Don't Actually Exist, and Fake Your Way Through an Essay. Hope you enjoy her latest! —SparkNotes Editors

When you were younger, didn’t you imagine your first date would be Cinderella-worthy, where Prince Charming comes, sweeps you off your feet, and then goes on a country-wide search just so you can get your slick shoe back? Well, the nicest thing I can get a guy to do is give me the icing-filled part of the Oreo.

Disney and all the other companies catering to lovesick elementary schoolgirls fill our heads with ridiculous notions of how our first date should be. Think about it: Aladdin and Jasmine went on a cross-country journey on a flippin’ magic carpet, Tarzan and Jane canoodled in the jungles somewhere in Africa, and Pocahontas and John ran through the forests of Virginia while “painting with the colors of the wind.” How can we compete with that?

And Disney leaves out the fact that real girls have to deal with their parents. Once the 'rents get over the “You’re going out with someone? HAHAHA!” moment, they’ll be fawning all over you, trying to make sure you look good while simultaneously trying to give you “The Talk.” You also have to deal with the “rules” of first dates—don’t order spaghetti, no kissing, don’t eat garlic bread unless your date does, you pay half…the list goes on and on. It’s enough to make your head explode.

Then there are those people who have had more first dates than you can count. They always come back to school, squealing about how they walked along the beach and got candles and roses and presents and you just want to punch them. Why is it that the most annoying people get the best experiences?

My first date consisted of a guy walking me to the mall. He brought along another girl. Then, they promptly ditched me at the mall, leaving me to take the bus home alone. How romantic! How caring! How sweet!

Uh, right.

I’ve chosen to forget my past “date” and start fresh. With the next guy, we are so going to dance in the rain to a perfectly choreographed song where everyone knows the lyrics. It’ll be awesome, and completely worthy of the title of First Date.

What about you, Sparklers? Have any first dates that were Disney-worthy? Any that should be banished from all memory?