Auntie SparkNotes Invites You to Get Aboard the Fun Train

This week's advice-seeker has a fabulous way with words:

Basically I met this boy last year in my spanish class and we became good friends. I started liking after a few months and he found out about it. He didn't seem bothered by it, and he started to flirt a lot more. This sent out the message that "hey maybe he likes me". He had always been flirty but he would take it to another level that wasn't really the just friend level of being fun and flirty. He sent a lot of mixed messages.Then last summer he left for college and our friendship kind of stopped. Which I know is normal because hey it's college. We had some really big blowouts during the year, one of them being him and his totally wasted friends calling my phone and saying some sexual and disgusting things.

To which he completely denied doing..even though it was his voice on the voicemail. I forgave him after that because I liked him too much to say that what he did was wrong, but only after I yelled at him and told him that I couldn't be friends if it ever happened aga in. Now it's the end of the school year and I havent spoken with him since memorial day. I feel like I'm giving 100% into the friendship and getting nothing back. At this point I don't think I still have feelings for him, I just somehow can't let go. This summer I don't want to be tied down and sad thinking about what could have been blah blah blah. I want to get out there and enjoy life. But I simply can't hurt this guy. Which I'm not even sure that not being friends with him would in turn hurt him at all. I deleted his number and deleted him off of my facebook which he still hasn't noticed. But ever since he went to college he has changed. And yes I know, when guys go to college its like hey.."beer, woman, and sex ..get aboard the fun train." I'm simply wondering if it's even worth trying to still be friends with him.. I'm pretty sure I should just drop him and forget he ever existed, but I was just wondering what your opinions would be.

My opinion? Well, since you asked…my opinion is that unless Voicemail Jerk is a dead ringer for Robert Pattinson, you’ve put up with his horse-hockey for quite long enough.

Actually, this applies even if he does look just like Robert Pattinson. Heck, it probably applies even if he IS Robert Pattinson. (Erm…is he? Not that Auntie SparkNotes is, uh, interested in R-Patz. Nooooo. And she definitely doesn’t have a giant sweaty crush on him, or a bedroom wallpapered with pictures of his face, or an Edward Cullen doll that she plays with in the bathtub. Nope. Never happened. If someone says it did, she is lying.)

But from the sound of your letter, you already know what's up: unless your idea of a good time is giving your all and getting nothing back, you need to drop him. The reason you’re having a hard time letting go is simple: you’re the only one holding on. Voicemail Jerk dropped his end of the Friendship Stick, and you’ve been working double to hold it up totally solo, all year long. No wonder you’re burned out.

I know it’s rough to feel like you missed a chance at something great—after all, if he hadn’t gone to college when he did, and you guys had more time together, who knows what might have happened? But keeping up contact when one person is away at school takes effort on both sides, and this guy’s behavior proves that he doesn't deserve the energy. I mean, hello: leaving you an obscene voicemail is already extremely uncool, but denying it the next day? What is that?! I hope this guy's fave sport is mini-golf, because he's clearly playing with some awfully small balls.

So, should you forget he ever existed? Well, no. That’s impossible. But starting now, don't give him any room in your day-to-day headspace. Make your decisions based on what’s best for you, and concentrate on your own feelings. That means not worrying about whether you’ll hurt him if you cut off contact, but—and this is important—it also means deleting him from your Facebook only because you’d honestly rather not see him clogging up your news feed, NOT because you’re hoping to get a reaction from him.

And then, get aboard your own Fun Train: redirect all the energy you were using to keep this friendship afloat into something that rewards you, whether it’s a relationship with another person, or an awesome summer job, or perfecting your nunchuck skills. By the time July rolls around, you'll be having so much fun that when someone mentions Voicemail Jerk, all you'll say is, "Who?"

Got a question for Auntie SparkNotes? Get aboard the Fun Train and leave it in the comments, or email her at advice@sparknotes.com.