Condensed Summer: A Schedule for Summer-Schoolers

We here at SparkNotes have to apologize. We've been getting so excited for the summer break and we've written so many stories about all the fantastically fun things we're gonna do with our time off, that we forgot something: summer school. Yeah, we know it really, really blows when you have to attend class with the sun beating in through window, taunting you. And whether you're in school cause you need to revisit some algebraic formulas or simply because you're one of the more than 2 million students on the year-round, abbreviated summer break schedule, we feel your pain.

But even if you only have a single weekend to pack in all your summer fun, we have a plan for you.  You may not have endless days of sweet boredom, but you can certainly find some time to hit the high notes.  Here's your one-weekend-only, jam-packed, condensed summer schedule:

Saturday
7:30 am - Turn off your alarm and don't wake up in a panic a few hours later cause it's Summer!

12:27 pm - Eat a giant bowl of cereal. Then grab your sunglasses and a bag packed by magical summer-break elves and head for the nearest theme park! Even if it's a lame local fairground, they're bound to have cotton-candy and a Tilt-a-whirl.

1:48 pm - Pack in as many rides, arcades, and eats as you can. Skip to the front of any lines by holding up a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle and saying, "Guess someone lost their lunch last time around!"

3:15 pm - Get a text from a friend that reads, "omg, liz and jason hooked up at the pool! new couple!" Don't bother to respond because...

3:18 pm - Get another text that reads, "omg, liz and jason broke up! first couple-casualty of the summer!"

4:24 pm - Stop at a burger joint on the way home and have one of those hilarious moments where the guy at the drive-thru taking your order can't hear you and you have to say what you want over and over and over again.  Sorta like this.

5:13 pm - Head to the local pool for a quick game of Marco Polo. Slap on some sunscreen but don't worry about re-applying cause you'll be outta here soon. No time to spare!

5:48 pm - Flirt with the guy at the snack shack. Say something awkward. Giggle and walk away.

6:55 pm - Back at home: After a quick shower, you're able to find the perfect outfit for the night on the first try! A summer miracle!

7:15 pm - Head to the local multi-plex and catch every summer blockbuster that's currently playing. To fit them all in, watch only 10 minutes of each movie, then move on (this should have little to no affect on your ability to explain the plot).

8:26 pm - Sit in your friend's basement texting and trying to figure out what's going on that night. Drawback: You're wasting some time here. Bonus: You only have to endure this frustrating exercise for one night this summer.

9:13 pm - Squirt soda out of your nose by laughing hysterically after someone tells the story of "the drive-thru guy."

9:34 pm - Head to the mini-golf course, where you'll run into your crush from the snack shack and score an impressive hole-in-one.

9:41 pm - Accidentally hit your crush in the face with your golf club. Comfort him while he holds napkins to his bleeding nose. But you're forced to leave him for a minute when you...

9:53 pm - ...get a frantic call from your parents asking where you are. "Playing mini-golf, duh." Return to your bloody crush until you...

10:04 pm - ...get a frantic call from your parents asking where you are. "Playing mini-golf, duh."

10:17 pm - Pile in the car and turn beet-red with embarrassment while your friends recount the "mini-golf club to the nose incident."

10:31 pm - Get home one minute after curfew prepared for a fight with your parents...but they don't notice! Another summer miracle!

Sunday
4:00 pm - Wake up, eat a giant bowl of cereal, watch TV until you head to bed. After all, you have class Monday morning!