SparkLife » What Did You Learn This Year?

What Did You Learn This Year?

Posted June 16, 2009

Hey, did you know that Napoleon had hemorrhoids? Neither did we, until three days ago. A friend passed on this rich bit of trivia, saying it was one of the only things she remembered from four years of high school history classes.

When it comes to your education, hopefully you’ll have a higher rate of retention. And while it may have been your mission to learn absolutely nothing this year, guess what: you failed. Because now that Napoleon tidbit is stuck in your gray matter like a flag planted on the moon, and you’re going to spend every forthcoming episode of Jeopardy! with the question “What is Napoleon’s rear?” on the tip of your tongue.

Here are some other things you may or may not have learned this year:

The names of all the continents begin with the same letters they end with. Except for “Atlantis.”

A fathom is approximately 6 feet.
A father is typically around 6 feet, give or take a few inches, unless he’s that really little dude on that TLC show.
America’s nickname, “Uncle Sam,” was inspired by Sam Wilson, a meat inspector in Troy, NY.
It is impossible to say “meat inspector” without giggling.
If P(x) is a polynomial of degree n, then P(x) will have exactly n zeroes, some of which may repeat.
When P(x) could represent any person in your school, dating becomes annoying to the nth degree.
An ostrich can run up to 43 mph.
Your friend’s ancient Toyota Corolla tops out at 40 mph, which is why it’s nicknamed “The Crippled Ostrich.”
The longest smooch in cinema history lasts 50 minutes. Rufus Collins and Naomi Levine lock lips for the entire duration of Andy Warhol’s Kiss.
If you try to kiss for more than 5 minutes straight, you should probably keep an inhaler nearby.
You were pretty certain your health teacher had a strange way of pronouncing “vast difference.”
Turns out she was saying “vas deferens.”
The videophone was invented by Bell Laboratories in 1927.
To this day, videochatting is still extremely awkward, especially if you accidentally pick your nose because you forgot you were videochatting.
The deepest point in the sea is the Mariana Trench, 6.77 miles below sea level.
One of the best meal deals in Colchester, CT can be found at Mariana’s Lunch, where a sandwich costs $6.77 and includes chips and a piece of day-old fruit.
It is impossible to sneeze and keep your eyes open at the same time.
It is possible to sneeze and knock over a glass of coke and ruin the hard drive of your laptop at the same time.
It is highly possible to ruin a perfectly good pair of cargo shorts in this manner as well.
The only guy in ZZ Top without a beard is named Frank Beard.
The scientific study of beards is known as pogonology.
The scientific study of ZZ Top’s guitar lines is known as riffology.
A badminton shuttlecock can travel more than 100 mph.
It is difficult to say the word “shuttlecock” without giggling.
P.S. Meat inspector!
Napoleon’s hemorrhoids contributed to his defeat at Waterloo because he wasn’t able to survey the battlefield on horseback.
Napoleon was really short and wore white pants at all times and generally thought he was pretty awesome.