Auntie SparkNotes Tackles Your Prickly Pickles

Before we begin, Auntie SparkNotes would like to apologize to all you Scottish grammar sticklers for the previous post’s egregious combining of “Loch Ness” into (gasp!) one word. (Good heavens! The HORROR you must have felt!)

Well, let me assure you, Sparklers, that it will never happen again. And as penance for my horrendous misdeed, I plan to spend the entire month of June eating nothing but haggis.*

Now, on to the advice-giving:

So, I am in a pickle. My best friend and I have been very close for three years and have never fought. We've always been able to talk it out. However, she still sometimes seems like she doesn't want to be around me even though I brought it up and we have discussed it. Half of the time we are fine, but other times I get that not so good vibe. I'm pretty sensitive and don't deal well with harsh words. I am also pretty naive when it comes to knowing when I have the right to be mad. That's why I try to avoid drama at all costs. Are there still some unresolved issues? Maybe a fight be a good thing ? What is the best way to deal with said unresolved issues?

First of all, Auntie SparkNotes has a confession to make: when I read the first sentence of your letter, I thought it said, “So, I am a pickle.” In which case, I would have a) been extremely impressed that you were able to type, seeing as pickles don’t have any hands, and b) told you not to worry about any of this, because as a pickle, somebody is bound to end all your troubles sooner or later by putting you in a sandwich and eating you.

But you’re not a pickle, are you? You are just IN a pickle. And I can help!

Auntie SparkNotes can’t say for sure whether or not there are any unresolved issues between you and your bestie. But I can tell you this: Your sensitivity to (and avoidance of) conflict is eventually going to cause some trouble for you, if it hasn’t already. You say that you’re “naïve” when it comes to knowing when to get mad, but it sounds like you might actually be prolonging an unpleasant situation because you’re afraid of what’ll happen if you do get angry. Plus, being so freaked out about the possibility of drama is a good way to find yourself looking for it everywhere, i.e. being “pretty sensitive.”

So here’s your lesson: As long as you do it constructively (without screaming, name-calling, or throwing a cat) and for a good reason, getting mad is a good thing. Your gut tells you when you’ve been wronged, so learn to trust it… and when you sense something’s up, and you feel hurt and angry, remember that having an honest discussion about it is the only way to get everything out in the open.

Which is not to say that you and your friend need to resolve your issues through a cage fight. But you do need to consider how she might be feeling (knowing how conflict-averse you are, she might be scared to really talk to you) and then have an honest conversation—one in which you don’t shy away from the possibly-unpleasant truths that might explain why she’s acting prickly lately. Tell her how you feel: that things aren’t great between you, that your feelings were hurt by x, y, or z thing that she did, that you’re confused and worried.

And, most importantly, tell her that she can be honest with you. The only way you’ll know if your unresolved issues are resolvable is if you’re ready to really hear what she has to say. Which is a good way to be, not just for this convo, but for life in general. Good luck!

Looking for advice? Need a sympathetic ear? Do you like haggis? (Yes? Weirdo.) Leave your queries for Auntie SparkNotes in the comments, or email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

*P.S. The Loch Ness Monster is still real.