It’s one thing to have a poster of the soon-to-be 46 Johnny Depp on your wall. When you brought it home your mom probably swooned over it as much as you. But if you brought home a 46-year-old man and said, “Hey, we’re going to Olive Garden and then a movie,” you could pretty much expect something between a meltdown and the apocalypse.
A teenager with a forty-something is clearly skeezy. No other way to put it. But hormones and your brain aren’t always bffs, and it can be hard to convince yourself the 27-year-old barista at the coffee shop isn’t your soul mate. I mean, they give you free coffee! It’s destiny!
How do you act when there is a questionable age difference between you and an attractive older person?
Hot for a Teacher
You stick around after English class some days—not for help, just to chat. The teacher can’t be older than 30 and clearly has a soft spot for you, probably because you were the only person who actually finished reading Middlemarch. You don’t exactly flirt with them, but you don’t talk to them like a friend, either…
You should:
a) Check if they have a wedding ring. If not, game on.
b) Hey, they assigned Middlemarch. Why would you ever talk to them again?
c) Of course you would never try to see them outside of school, but why can’t students and teachers be buds?
Aging Celebrities
They might be pushing fifty but thousands of dollars are spent making them look good.
Which one fits you?
a) You inform the world you will marry Celebrity X and tear their pic out of every magazine you can get you hands on.
b) Whatever. Fifty is, like, dead. They should have pulled a James Dean years ago.
c) You go out of your way to see their movies and quietly drool the whole time.
Older Siblings
This is pretty much a guaranteed crush—you’re constantly at your friend’s house and naturally see a lot of the older sister/brother. At first you didn’t notice them too much, but you’ve come to look forward to their wry comments and winning sarcasm.
So….
a) Next time you sleep over, you’re making out.
b) Sick. That’s like almost like making out with your friend.
c) Ask your friend if it would weird them out too much if they knew you maybe had a crush on their sibling. If not, go for it.
Moms and Dads
You really hate to say it, but your best friend’s mom/dad is HOTT. You can’t see how anyone could divorce them but are secretly glad they’re single.
What do you do?
a) Ask if they want to watch American Beauty and hope they get the hint.
b) Constantly tell your friend you are going to score with their mom or dad.
c) Go out of your way to have friendly chats with them, but keep it G rated.
If you answered mostly As, that’s creepy.
If you answered mostly Bs, you have nothing to worry about but are probably kind of a jerk. But a fun jerk.
If you answered mostly Cs, you are an outstanding citizen and well on your way to political office.
Questions for you: What age difference is too great? Is it okay for a 16-year-old to date a 19-year-old? What about 18 and 23? Or 15 and 13?
ALSO I have a friend who insists she would get with Dylan—in spite of his crustache—just because he’s such a genius. I think that’s sick, but are there any old musicians or actors you wanna jump on simply because you love their work? Or is that gross?
Post a comment!