Amusement Parks: What's Fun, What's Done

There are plenty of things you did as a kid that (hopefully) you don’t do now—eating a worm for a dime, trying to marry your cat or dog, reading past Goosebumps #40, etc. Obviously, you’ve moved on to bigger and better things—eating a worm for $5, for instance. But what about amusement parks, the ultimate destination for kids? Is Six Flags or your regional equivalent less fun now that you’re a teen, or is it actually more fun? Let's go through the essentials and see how they measure up these days.

Roller coasters
Still fun. DUH. These may be more exhilarating because you’re not terrified and/or sobbing as the coaster clanks its way up the hill. Also, when you were eight, waiting in line for an hour seemed like enduring an "advanced interrogation technique." But now that you’ve learned to have conversations deeper than "peanut butter is my favorite color," you can think of waiting in long lines as an opportunity to have a fascinating chat with your friends.

Fair food
Funnel cakes, cheese curds, corn dogs, deep-fat fried… everything. Technically these food items taste as good as they used to, but they’re less fun to eat because a) you know what the word “calorie” means, and b) the parents no longer buy your $7 “ice cream of the future.” Being responsible… boo.

Round Up a.k.a. Zero Gravity a.k.a. Meteor
This is the thingy where they strap your standing body to the side of a huge wheel. The rotating wheel picks up speed and when it tilts diagonally you are plastered to the wall. Sound familiar? If so, you’re probably thinking it's just kid stuff. This was my thought until I was forced onto one a few weeks ago. Let me tell you, this thing is as stomach churning as a Hostel movie and much more disorienting than a roller coaster. Plus it’s fun to try to fight the centrifugal force that pins you against the wall, even though the operators will yell at you. (Note: don’t actually try to leave your little cage.)

Log flume a.k.a. Log ride
This one seems like it would still be fun. Not so much. They don’t even strap you down, because this ride is about as dangerous as a Sunday visit to Grandma's. And you don’t get candy or money at the end. The only way to make this fun is to reach into the water and spray your friends the entire ride—but then you have the operators scowling at you again.

Carnival games
You remember those games where you shoot arrows/throw basketballs/squirt water and knock stuff down? If you’re “lucky,” you get a needlessly large stuffed animal for your date. But really, is there anything romantic about giving someone a Bugs Bunny larger than they are?

Water parks
These might be fun if they weren’t infested with kindergarteners blowing snot into the water.

Zoo/Animal safari-type stuff
This may actually be more fun as a teen—at least you know what the animals are doing when they start “riding piggyback” on each other. And zoos truly are the most under-appreciated date destination. You will never run out of conversation topics: baby giraffes, the monkeys with red butts Japanese macaques, depressed polar bears, and penguins. That is romance.

Verdict: Amusement parks still rock for the most part.

What did you do as a kid that still gets you going? What places were fun then but just seem lame now?