Bio Student Receives F in Class, Life

Today, your SparkNotes editors spent a full twenty minutes staring blankly at our computer screen after reading this… interesting news report from Pittsburgh. From the AP article:

“Pittsburgh police say a high school student is facing charges for using a biology class snake as a jump rope.”

The incident was doubtless very unpleasant for the snake involved (which survived unharmed, bee tee dubs). In addition, all future biology students at this high school will almost certainly be forced to sit through a long-winded presentation on What Not To Do With The Biology Snake:

“Do not use the biology snake as a jump rope. Do not use the biology snake as a scarf. Do not use the biology snake as a second-string quarterback on the football team. Do not…”

But really, Sparklers, this is a gift. Oh yeah. Think about it: the next time your parents start giving you grief for bringing home an A-minus, staying out three minutes past curfew, or failing to pick up every last speck of clothing from your bedroom floor, this article will be your get out of jail free card.

Your parents: I thought I told you to clean your room! It’s filthy in here! That’s it, young man—you’re grounded until you learn not to behave like a Neanderthal!
You: No I’m not.
Your parents: WHAT?
You: (handing over “Snake as jump rope” article with a flourish) You think you’ve got it bad? This could be your son, guys. Think about that.
Your parents: What the… snake? Jump rope? Does not compute!
You: Exactly.
Your parents: On second thought, we would like to take you out for ice cream and buy you a Wii.

And… scene.

Have you ever done something untoward with a snake? Tell us about it...or, on second thought, maybe you shouldn't.