What Kind of Road Tripper are You?

Here at SparkNotes, we've been seeking out some hardy harr harrs from our very own super Sparklers. This post is by the hilarious Swish2Nickels, a girl who knows that the best accessory for a toilet plunger is a kitten, of course. (You'll see what we mean...) Enjoy!  —SparkNotes Editors

What summer would be complete without a road trip?

Whether a groaner or a great time, with your parents or your friends, road trips are an essential part of American culture–no matter the economy or the latest flu scare. We’ve all already heard the tips for the road, but now the big question is: What kind of road tripper are you?

The Trailblazer: This person laughs in the face of such conventions as “interstates” or “highways” or (pah!) “Main Streets!” You may hear this person use a phrase like "taking the scenic route" as they wave away their passenger’s proffered map. As a result, you may find yourself hopelessly lost or having the unexpected time of your life (mashed potato wrestling, anyone?).

The Map Addict: This person is the very opposite of a Trailblazer. Map Addicts actually reset the odometer when they see "Turnoff: 4 miles.” They depend solely on the dashboard GPS and can only stare forlornly when the right turn it says to take simply doesn’t exist. The next course of action is to try to figure out how to drive the car over someone’s yard…or fence…or little yippy dog…

The Classic: Can’t forget this old reliable. Flip-flops or socks with sandals, long shorts, camera around the neck, big floppy hat, too-large sunglasses (with resulting sunglasses tan), and, if this person happens to be related to you, a very loud voice and a tendency to use it. Especially when calling to you with the nickname you got after an unfortunate incident in 2nd grade involving spaghetti, a plunger, and a kitten. Use your imagination.

The Gamer: Nope, not the ones requiring batteries. This person has timeless games like “Count the Cows,” “Billboard Alphabet,” “100 Red Cars,” “Semi Honk,” and the ever-popular “Pretend You’ve Been Kidnapped and Try to Signal to the Other Drivers.”

The Impossible: This person, after driving for 18 hours straight with no shower, limited bathroom access, and her little brother using her knee for a pillow (and drooling on it) can somehow come out of the car as fresh, lively, and drool-free as she left it. What the heck.

The Sleeper: ’Nuff said.

The Economist: These people pop the car into neutral down slopes, and would never eat out of the hotel mini-fridge. If they aren’t camping, they’re on the lookout for the cheapest motel—the kind with a creepy manager who stares straight at you the entire time you're getting the old-fashioned key, the mysterious stain on the floor, and the drawers filled with very—*cough*—interesting items. Um, I think I’ll sleep in the car.

The Gaper: To these people, EVERYTHING is amazing, from the highest mountains to the lowest…dirt. They marvel at things that may seem commonplace to the rest of us and can’t understand why we don’t take the same pleasure in the world’s largest collection of the world’s smallest versions of the world’s largest things. Although, I have to admit, it can be pretty impressive the way these people can slam on their brakes and dive from their car just to get that perfect photo.

The "Gotta Go"-er: There’s a strange phenomenon with this type—though there was a rest stop two miles back, they didn’t have to go then. They have to go NOW. If there’s not a tree around, well...just hope something very interesting is going on the other side of the road.

Wanna be a super Sparkler, too? Send YOUR SparkLife submission to contribute@sparknotes.com along with your nickname for consideration!