Awkward Moment? Keyboard Cat to the Rescue!

Recently the Interweb solved one of humanity’s oldest problems: How do you recover after saying or doing something stupid? For centuries, people have struggled with this—do you laugh it off? Do you blush and run away? Do you shrug it off like a cool mamajama but then cry like a baby in the bathroom stall?

Well, worry no more. Some genius realized the best follow-up to a moment of stupidity, physical misfortune or any type of awkward situation is to cut to a shot of a very happy cat playing a keyboard. Yes, I’ll say it again: A keyboarding-playing cat. In a blue jumpsuit, no less.

Think about it. One moment everyone’s looking at you like, “Did you really just snort chocolate milk through your nose?” and then this cat appears—grinning ear to ear—and plays a circus-like melody on a keyboard. Suddenly no one cares about you or your faux pas—they are transfixed by the cat. These viral videos are called “Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat,” the idea being the cat distracts the audience while you run offstage to recover.

I can’t believe it took humanity thousands of years to figure this out!

We all know there are an inordinate amount of awkward experiences in high school, which is why each school board should use some of that bailout money to buy a keyboard playing kitty, or some variation, for your school right now. Think off the opportunities….

-The teacher calls on you to solve x=10/y to the z power if x is the velocity and z is the age your mother was when she had her first kiss. Instead of doing homework last night you were kinda busy watching the deletes scenes from Role Models.

No longer do you have to fumble for an answer! Cue Keyboard Cat and let that smooth melody grab the teachers attention while you slip off to join your friend in study hall.

-So you’ve liked this girl/guy for months. You’ve been telling your friends you’re gonna ask them out for weeks. Finally you catch them in the hall right after school ends and ask if they want to go for coffee, see a movie or go bungee jumping. “Oh, you’re really nice, but I already have a boyfriend/girlfriend.”

Once there was no gracious way to get out of this situation (“Oh, well, I guess we'll never talk again…”) but NOW you can let that feline pound those ivories and you have a perfect escape.

-Why did you eat so many tacos? Your stomach is dying to let one slip and you think you can do it quietly without anyone noticing. But it creaks out like a rusty door… and right when the teacher stops talking! Is your life over?!

Not anymore. This one might require you to step things up though. Something along the lines of a chimpanzee wailing away on the sax should be enough to draw your classmates’ attention while you make a restroom run.

-Your English teacher made you write your own poems and read them to your peers. Lucky you! The first volunteer starts reading their poem. Relief—it’s bad. Yours is no worse. Then, embarrassment—but not for you, for them. Their poem details the expansive, blank, cold universe that is their soul and the dank, oily chains that keep them tied to the oppressive prison that is their life. Then they start talking about wetting the bed after their parents got divorced. Then things get really scary. They finish and you have to respond to their poem. Uhh…..

Keyboard Cat to the rescue! Kitty wheels in his piano and starts pounding away. This time it’s a good enough distraction for the entire class to make an escape.

So many other things… doing a face-plant in phys ed, showing up to school with a zit you hadn’t noticed, getting caught sketching cartoons of the teacher….What other things could Keyboard Cat help you out with in life?