This week, Auntie SparkNotes is taking a break from romantic quandaries to address something much more fun: A real-life human horror movie! Our commenter writes:
one of my best friends…lets call her…Hellraiser…is a total attention whore. like i love her. she’s funny and smart, but when she is not in the spotlight, she always causes all this stupid drama. like, last year, i became really good friends with another girl. well, hellraiser had a total jealousy fit and went up to all of my friends saying i called them all [redacted]. naturally my crew was upset. after a few weeks, things finally cooled down.
what annoys me is this:
she’s such a [redacted] hypocrite! now, hellraiser is friends with the girl she acccused me of being too close with. and im a straight girl too, its not like there was romance involved or anything.
she also friended my stalker on facebook and wrote on his wall that i was intrested in him. now, after he had finally left me alone, he was calling all over again. hurt, i called hellraiser and demanded to know what she was thinking. she broke down sobbing saying “im sorry!” feeling guilty, i comforted her about MY situation.
i think she may be jealous. she has NEVER had a boyfriend though she is a heavy flirt and very pretty…its just that no one wants to date someone who causes drama about stupid crap. like, a MONTH ago this guy was going to ask her out, and we still hear all about it. and she always wants to know about my hookups with my guy, which i consider to be private. when hellraiser is being an attention whore can you please give me some advice on what to do? and i do not want to break our friendship. she IS a great person %95 of the time, but when she causes drama, she REALLY causes drama.
Color us deeply impressed that you’re still friends with Hellraiser despite her penchant for psycho-dramatics. Most girls would have (understandably) fled from this friendship like rats from a sinking ship, so you get the commenter-of-the-year award for upstanding moral fiber.
That said, it’s a good thing you’re still around, because Hellraiser NEEDS a friend like nobody’s business—and more specifically, she needs one who loves her enough to call her on her insane bulls**t, before she turns into a full-on nutcase and boils someone's bunny. This girl is deeply insecure. Thing is, up until now, it’s been paying off: every time she starts caterwauling, you reward her behavior by comforting her and assuring her that you’re still friends. So instead of feeding the beast, try these steps:
1. Talk to Hellraiser one-on-one, in private.
To keep her from getting defensive and/or not listening to you, you might want to have this conversation when she isn’t acting like a one-man emotional freak show.
2. Explain that you love her, but her behavior might be alienating people.
Sample convo starter: “You’re my friend, and I hate to see you damaging your relationships with other people like this.”
3. …including you.
Sample convo finisher: “When you don’t respect my boundaries [see: pitching a fit when I have other friends, pressing for info I'm not comfortable giving up, Facebook-friending Stanley Stalkerface], I feel like I can’t trust you.”
4. Ask what’s going on.
Reiterate that you’re on her side, you just want to help, etc. Hopefully she’ll take the opportunity to talk about whatever’s bothering her, or at least go forward with a little more self-awareness about how ridiculous she’s been acting. But if Hellraiser won’t stop hell-raising, there’s only one thing left to do when she starts causing drama: Ignore it.
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