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The Perfect Homework Environment

The Perfect Homework Environment

By Dan_Bergstein

According to interior designer Brian Patrick Flynn, it's important to have a proper work area for homework and other household activities, dubbed The Family Workspace. This isn't just a kitchen table or a patch of rug in front of the TV, but an area of the house that is specifically designed for work, complete with bulletin boards, laptops, and a sturdy desk. Sounds great, right?

Of course, we here at SparkNotes have own idea of what a proper work area should include. In VERY particular order:

 

  1. A laptop signed by the band Nickelback - Their collective signature can turn a $1,200 piece of hardware into a $1,200 punch line that is guaranteed to get a laugh from everyone you show it to. Plus, you'll be more careful with a Nickelback-signed laptop than you would be with a regular laptop, since replacing an autographed one is rather difficult. (You have to enter a lot of radio contests.)
  2. This skull chair - Assuming you don't already have one.
  3. An alligator – If you are ever stumped for an answer, you can always gaze at the alligator and…all right, fine. We don't really have a reason. We just want one, and we would dress him in Hawaiian shirts and name him Samson Lamplight.
  4. No windows – Who needs the distraction? And why make things easier for assassins and spies?
  5. A dictionary.
  6. A talking robotic desk – It will scold and belittle you in a proper English accent. Years later, at the talking desk's funeral, you will realize he was only trying to push you to do your best. But no amount of tears will bring him back.
  7. A shovel – You'll know why when the time is right.
  8. Another dictionary - In case the first dictionary is a liar.
  9. Very dim light – This will force you to look harder at each word of an assignment, and thus improve your focus.
  10. A glass of tepid water – Cold water is too satisfying and can distract you from your work. Hot water causes liver damage (presumably). Split the difference and enjoy.
  11. Graph paper – If you need college ruled paper for a certain assignment, use Wite-Out to eliminate the unwanted lines of the graph paper. In today's economy, who can afford buying two separate types of paper?
  12. A flute and some balloons – To pass the time if you get bored.
  13. A fire extinguisher – Because just like Grandma used to say, "Proper prior planning prevents a pitifully poor performance…and being burned to death."
  14. A $467 gold pencil sharpener - And yes, it includes a shavings drawer.

If you can't incorporate all of these elements into your work area, your grades will surely suffer.
What does your dream homework station include?

Topics: Life

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