These Books Are Great...In Bed.

Last month, the literary community was all aflutter over this portrait, widely considered to be a never-before-seen likeness of William Shakespeare himself. Why all the hubbub, you ask?

Because it depicts the Bard as a hunk of hot Elizabethan man-meat, that’s why!

Whereas most images of Shakespeare show a swarthy dude who bears an unfortunate, bug-eyed resemblance to Paul Giamatti, this portrait (supposedly painted when the playwright was in his forties) shows a rosy-cheeked, sensuous-mouthed, foxy-lookin’ specimen of manhood. Even the scholars were thrilled. As the handout accompanying the portrait’s exhibition reads: “This Shakespeare is handsome and glamorous, so how does this change the way we think about him?”

The answer? Shakespeare is now officially a WILF! (That’s short for Writer I’d Like to—oh, hello, Mom and Dad. What? Oh, nothing! I was just… reading Hamlet.)

But Shakespeare’s not the only literary figure who makes our hearts race and our loins quiver. Here are the top three writers, past and present, who can burn up our pages any time.

WILF #1: D.H. Lawrence
Lawrence’s famous novel, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, caused a nationwide scandal when it was published in Britain in 1960; the book’s depiction of a romance between lovers of differing social stations and its graphic (for the time) sex scene were the subject of an obscenity trial and mass censorship. Said one outraged politician: “It is most damnable! It is written by a man with a diseased mind and a soul so black that he would obscure even the darkness of hell!” We say: If D.H. Lawrence is a disease, we don’t want the cure.

WILF #2: Anais Nin
A bohemian babe whose experiences included a romance with author Henry Miller, Anais Nin kept detailed journals throughout her life. Published posthumously by her much-younger husband, Nin’s diaries are incredible explorations of the mysteries of love, sexuality, and relationships. For a riveting read, check out The Journal of Love—The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1931-1932.

WILF #3: Augusten Burroughs
Here at SparkNotes, we just love a man who can make us laugh and cry at the same time. Enter Augusten Burroughs, whose bestselling memoir Running with Scissors has the best (and okay, the only) description we’ve ever read of using a bowel movement as a fortune-telling device.

Got an author who makes you want to be more than friends? Feel like sharing your WILF list? Go on, then: that’s what the comments are for.