This week, we heard from a girl with a too-persistent admirer:
“I REALLY need your help!
Two years ago over the summer I met this guy at camp. He seemed okay, but kind of weird and really negative. I felt bad, so I asked him if we wanted to exchange numbers… he proceeded to call me twelve times and several dozen more over the weekend. A year later he starts to text me. [He] asked me to go out with him.”
[When our letter-writer declined, “He proceeded to unleash a nasty string of words which I ignored.”]
“Then a few weeks ago, my friend said his life was hard and that maybe I should talk to him. I imed him…We chatted, and I guess it would’ve been okay if he didn’t keep mentioning that he had a six pack and was now six feet tall. Creeped out, I quickly said goodbye. [Then] he texts me. [He] asked if I was doing camp again, and I said yeah, maybe we should do the same session ’cause I was feeling flirty. So then he says we should go out. I really didn’t know what to say so I said, yeah, maybe. He replied “really??!!” I was like, um, maybe, cuz I was getting creeped out. He said that he really liked me. I said, um, I have to go, bye. He replied: ‘Bye. I love you.’ I don’t want to be mean, but I don’t even know the guy’s last name, and I don’t even like him that much as a person.
Please, Auntie SparkNotes, give me some advice. How do I gently say that I don’t like him and maybe we should just, um, not talk to each other? Cuz the guy has temper and stalking issues.”
Pop quiz: When you’re feeling flirty, which one of these gentlemen should NOT be the recipient of your attentions?
A. The hot checkout guy at the local supermarket
B. The cute brainiac on your debate team
C. The adorable 20-something who’s subbing your chemistry class this week
D. The obsessive angry guy with boundary problems and “stalking issues” who won’t stop talking about his six-pack
Answer: D. (You know, as in “duh.”)
At SparkNotes, we know that flirting with an Unhinged Admirer—that lonely, troubled guy with the intense crush on you—can be a quick and easy ego boost. The problem is, the Unhinged Admirer is…well, unhinged. He’s not interested in flirting; he thinks you’re soulmates, and that means that having superficial fun with him is totally impossible. (You say, “Maybe we should do the same session.” He hears: “I love you! Let’s get married and adopt pugs!”) At one point or another, pretty much everyone finds themselves entangled with an Unhinged Admirer, so don’t beat yourself up about it.
However: the “nasty string of words,” constant messaging, and confessions of love? This guy is way inappropriate, and if he contacts you again, you’re well within your rights to cut off communication. Here’s how you do it.
1. Write him an email.
In it, say that:
a) you apologize for any misunderstanding, but
b) you are not interested, and
c) he is making you uncomfortable.
2. Say you can't be in contact with him anymore.
Be polite, firm, and succinct.
3. Hit “send.”
Then, keep up your end of the deal by staying silent. If he writes back, ignore it. If he calls, don’t pick up.
If he continues to bother you, you’re dealing with something more serious than just an unrequited crush—and it’s time to tell your parents what’s going on.
Let us know how it goes.
Got a problem? Auntie SparkNotes is on it like sonic. Leave your queries in the comments.