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GIVE ME THE INTERNET

GIVE ME THE INTERNET

By Emily Winter

Say there's this girl. Uh, a friend of a friend of a friend. Yeah. Let's just call her SparkPlotes. And uh, SparkPlotes forged a signature on a permission slip—long story—anyway, her high school wasn't too happy.

Mind you, we don't know SparkPlotes, and we'd never do something like that. Just saying.

Anyway, SparkPlotes' high school notifies her parents, who are obviously livid about this whole mess. So they ground her. For a month.

Whatever, SparkPlotes has still has facebook and Twitter, and while she'll surely miss a few totally awesome nights with her best friends, she'll still stay in the loop.

UNTIL SparkPlotes' mom bursts into her room (not cool) and informs her that there will be zero internet for the entire time of her grounding. Just as the blood rushes almost completely out of SparkPlotes' face, her mom adds, "You're a lucky girl. You have the internet and you should be thankful. But now that you're grounded, you're going to have to hand it over. Give me the internet."

Uh, time out. "Give me the internet"?!?!?!? HAHAHAHA! Okay, time in.

At this moment, SparkPlotes is faced with a choice: Realizing that her mom has no concept of what the internet is, she can...

a) Explain to her dear mother that the internet isn't really a tangible item like iPods and laptops. Or...

b) Use her mother's ignorance to her advantage.

SparkPlotes sighs. Then she goes to her label maker and makes a CD-sized sticky label that says, you guessed it, "Internet," and puts it on a blank CD. Then she hands it to her mother, who is waiting in the kitchen.

"I hope this will teach you a lesson," her mother says.

"Mom, you have no idea."

After taking an office poll, we concluded that we were hungry and don't like Ashley Tisdale's current hair color. I guess we took the wrong poll, because what we really wanted to find out was whether most of us would use our parents' technological deficiencies to our advantage. Is it okay to circumvent a really harsh punishment, like a month-long internet ban, by preying upon the semi-sad fact that a lot of parents can't even turn on a computer?  

We want to know what you think. Making up a fake internet: Okay? Not okay? Hilarious? Evil? Brilliant? Pathetic?  Good, bad or fugly, we promise, we'll send all of your comments directly to, uh, SparkPlotes.

Topics: The Internets
Tags: facebook, twitter

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