Tips on Locking Lips (Co-Kisser Not Included)

Confession: During my freshman year, I accidentally caused a school-wide scandal by dating two brothers—one right after the other. (It doesn’t just happen in the movies, folks!) The first affair, with the younger bro, was short-lived; though he was cute and affectionate, I was forced to dump him when he turned out to be as dumb as a box of hair. The second affair lasted quite a bit longer—BUT, it was also plagued in its early weeks by a baffling problem: Bro #2 staunchly refused to kiss me.

After much whining and cajoling (as it turns out, “But your brother kissed me all the time!” is not a good conversation-starter), the truth ultimately surfaced: Despite all his charm, intellect, and good looks, dude didn’t have the first idea how to lock lips.

The horror!

Sadly, SparkNotes wasn’t around then to help my poor, clueless BF. But if any of you are paralyzed with fear over your lack of kissing know-how, don’t fret; we’ll learn you good.

Kissing Rule #1: Everything you’ve seen in the movies is crap.
Yes, we too have seen that omg-so-romantic scene in which Robert and Naomi are running toward each other in a field of daisies and then fall passionately to the ground and Naomi’s entire head disappears inside Robert’s sensuous mouth. But, much like talking dogs and Miley Cyrus, some things that look great on screen are just wrong in real life. For optimal kissing, never attempt to swallow the other person’s cranium.

Kissing Rule #2: Connect correctly.
If you suddenly find that both your co-kisser’s lips have disappeared inside your mouth, you’re doing it wrong. (Also, he or she probably cannot breathe.) A series of light lip-to-lip connections is best; not only will nobody suffocate, but the repeated touch-and-then-back-off approach does the most to stimulate the nerve endings in your lips, making the smooching much more fun.

Kissing Rule #3: Don’t get grabby.
We know that you know what we mean. If you’re looking for someplace to put your hands, remember that the human head is loaded with ultra-sensitive nerve endings. Translation: touching your co-kisser’s hair, face, ears or neck is an ultra-effective way to add to the experience without getting anyone's parents upset.

Need more info? Got a kissing question? Leave it in the comments!