The F**kit List

Unless you happened to be trapped on a long airplane flight with nothing to read, we're guessing you missed the Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman buddy movie "The Bucket List." This fine film follows two elderly chums (both of whom are terminally ill) as they check off their list of things to do before they "kick the bucket"--skydiving, race car driving, an African Safari, you know, all that groovy stuff.

Everyone has a list somewhat similar to this one: places to go before I grow old, movies to watch before I get to college, people to ask out before I explode. But comedian Michael Ian Black has flipped the idea on its head. He's created a Twitter feed called the "F**kit List" for all the things you don't care about accomplishing before you die. MIB led off with a few gems--he's given up on learning about birds, driving cross country in an RV, and woodworking ("It's just not going to happen.") Other items from the feed that caught our attention: "learn to play the jazz flute," "going to Kansas to see the world's largest ball of twine," and "have my ride pimped."

So, without further ado, SparkNotes presents its own entries to this list (subject to additions/deletions/complete abandonment):

Doing a Pull-up: Yeah, we're not afraid to admit it. We have weak upper-body strength. This is not going to change.

Learning to write with both hands: It seems like ambidexterity is better left to those who were born with it.

Making a habit of going to bed early: We're night owls, nothing more to it. And why does everyone put such a premium on morning productivity? Who says you can get more done than at night? Prove it. 

Understanding atomic orbitals: It's too confusing to even come up with a witty remark for this one. But the truth is, unless you are a physicist or braggart, you will never need to know about this kind of thing. Ever.

Becoming a nationally ranked cup stacker: Yes, it's a real sport. And yes, it involves stacking plastic cups into pyramids at ridiculously rapid speeds. We'll leave this to the professionals.

What's on your List? Leave it in the comments!