An Open Letter to the Producers of LOST

Dear Producers and Writers of LOST:

Hey, what's up? We here at SparkNotes watch LOST all the time. We love it! Yes, it's true that during Season Three we did tell all of our friends that the show sucked. But can you honestly blame us? I bet you can't even tell us what happened in that snoozer of a season. Thankfully, you redeemed yourself with Seasons Four and Five (so far, so good). Yet, we do have a bone to pick with you.

Simply put: What in the name of Jacob happened to Rose and Bernard?

During the past four seasons, we spent a lot of time with the cute, middle-aged couple. Heck, you even wrote a flashback episode for them in Season Two. We grew quite attached to them, and now they're nowhere to be found.

Look, we understand that since Ben moved the Island, a lot of crap has gone down. And it's almost understandable that a few characters and subplots got lost (pun!) in the shuffle. Almost.

It's not that we're angry. We're just disappointed in you. We see your true potential shining through in episodes such as the one in which Desmond jumped around time and met his "constant," Daniel Faraday. So it stands to reason that we're let down when you seemingly forget about Rose and Bernard. As each episode of Season Five passes by without even a mention of the couple, our hopes fade that you will reveal what they went through in a dizzying display of cleverness.

What's going on with them? Where they affected by the time warps? Did their noses start to bleed? To be perfectly honest, while we like R & B, they're not our favorite characters. So if they died when the Hostiles or the Army (we're not really sure which) invaded the beach earlier this season…so be it. Just let us know. We need closure.

Keep in mind, we don't need an entire Rose and Bernard episode. Perhaps Sawyer can say something like, "We need to get supplies. Oh, and in case anyone forgot, Rose and Bernard were killed. We had a funeral. It was sad."

Or, you can work in the information a bit more elegantly. Maybe Juliet could say, "We need to get supplies, and then let's move out to the ridge where Rose and Bernard died."

At this point, we'd even accept a narrator's voiceover saying, "Previously on LOST…Rose and Bernard died of Lupus off-screen and everyone else gathered supplies." Anything is better than nothing.

If you have any questions, or need some ideas on how to explain the smoke monster, let us know. Thank you.

Sincerely,

SparkNotes

P.S. Kill Jack, please.

P.P.S. Maybe the smoke monster can be the ghost of an alien? Just putting that out there.