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Major Meltdown? We've Got Some Ideas For You...

Major Meltdown? We've Got Some Ideas For You...

By Emily Winter

The only thing that's "major" about high school is, like, a drummer in the marching band. So it's pretty weird when you get to college and suddenly every expects you to have one... a major, that is. "What's your major?" is the most common question on campus, but trying to answer it without having any clue what your life goal is just leads to one major headache.

For all of you who can't exactly pinpoint your passion right down to a course curriculum, we've got a better way of choosing a major. First you must answer a question: What do you want really out of college?

Consider a major in WEB DESIGN if you NEVER WANT TO TAKE YOUR PAJAMAS OFF.

Web People are Shut In People. Think of them more like spiders than collegiate humanoids—they thrive in dark places where they won't be bothered so they can spin their webs all day. They don't care about what they look like because all of their efforts are spent on the web. Half of the time, web classes are "independent projects" and we all know what that mean: NO JAMS REMOVAL REQUIRED!

Consider a major in THEATER if you like GETTING YOUR WAY.

"But Professor, my roommate really did eat my homework, I swear!" Cue the tears. When it comes to convincing a college prof that your circumstances really are special, it's alllll about the tears. Dudes, if you have some strict moral code against shedding the saltwater sadness, at least learn to make those eyes well up, so liquedfied evidence of your horrible luck will teeter on the bottom of your eyes, almost tumbling over the brink, but not quite.

So, how do you learn to cry on command? Acting 303, we've heard.

Consider a major in FILM if you NEVER WANT TO MOVE BACK HOME.

"But Mo-ooooom, I can't come home for the summer because the only places to do a fa-illllllm internship is LA or New York!" Working that whole "I need a summer internship angle" is totally effective with most parents. Major in film and your ticket to freedom awaits... as long as you can actually snag an internship!

Consider a major in ANTHROPOLOGY if you like to PARTY.

Anthro is the study of peoples and cultures. Sure, you can get an A by doing mega research on a remote village in Senegal... or you can "do research" at 11 p.m. on a Friday night at the corner of Best and PartyEver. When it comes time for that final paper, the only stress you'll be having is whether to write it about the sex lives of hipsters or the hairstyles of indie bands.

Consider a major in PHYSICS if you are a SINGLE GIRL.

Dudes. Dudes everywhere. Big dudes, little dudes, nerdy dudes, hot dudes.  You'll make The Bachelorette look like a sad little show with a wrinkly bunch of over-the-hill-ers compared to your multitude of cute young things to pick from.  Could this be a new reality show? "Let's Get Physic-al?"

Consider a major in ADVERTISING if you are SINGLE GUY.

We can't quite explain why all girls in advertising are funny, adorable, and almost... airbrushed. It just is. It's a female-dominated major with so much good cheer and parties ("I designed my first color ad! LET'S CELEBRATE!") that you'd almost have to TRY not to get a fabulous girlfriend out of the deal.

Consider a major in MARKETING if you like FREE STUFF.

Marketing students learn how to help businesses and promote brands. Do you see where we're going with this? Marketing majors are the most SWAG-tastic of all, always coming home with new products from businesses they've interned for! Just don't get your first internship at Depends, and you'll be in great shape.

Topics: Life
Tags: stress, meltdowns

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