Tiffany Totally Eats Ham

Hiiiiiiii!

Ohmagawd, you guys! It's me, Tiffany Thongbiscuit! You thought I was gone, didn't you? Well, I'm NOT. I always come back! Alwaaaays. It's one of my most specialest qualities! When I was a little kid, my parents would play this awesome game where they'd put me in a burlap sack and drive across the state line and then leave me in the woods, and then I would chew my way out and come back home! Ohmigod, so fun, right?! And they'd be like, “Wow, Tiffany, we really thought you'd be eaten by bears this time.” Haha! My mom and dad are HILARIOUS.

So listen, y'all, I just got back from the mall and I am HUNGRY, but for some reason I can't get into my house. Again! Isn't that weird?! It's like the lock gets all different every time I leave. I think it might be haunted. It's okay though, 'cause I always carry food in my pockets! It's real useful because sometimes Mom and Dad want to play the Burlap Sack Game with me before dinnertime. Hey, do you want to see my list of Foods I Keep In My Pocket?

1. Gummy Bears
These are awesome because they are REALLY SMALL, so you can fit a lot of them in your pocket!

2. Peanuts
Peanuts are the BEST NUT. One time I had a peanut that looked like Tom Cruise! But I ate it by accident. It tasted really weird, too.

3. Ham
Ham is nutritious! And it's a fun word to say—HAM ham HAM HAM HAM. Ham!

Well, this has been SUPER fun, y'all! When I come back, maybe we can talk about other pocket lunch meats! Right now I'm going to go see if I can get into the house through the cat door. Yay!

Xoxoxoxoxo

Tiffany