Everyone knows that MTV gave up on music videos a looong time ago. The channel that once premiered masterpieces including the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” and Radiohead’s “Just” now specializes in educational programming such as Sex…With Mom and Dad and the always-life-affirming From G’s to Gents. The iconic music station has so thoroughly deserted its roots that we’re not even sure it deserves to have an “M” in its name anymore.
But before we proclaim it a purveyor of mere “Television,” we’re giving MTV one last chance to redeem itself through one of its few remaining music-related shows: Making the Band 4. SparkNotes' preferred method of analysis for this investigation is liveblogging. We would write a long critical essay, but we’re pretty sure you'd find that as fun as reading about Themes, Motifs, and Symbols in The Great Gatsby.
MTV has one hour to save itself, and the clock starts…now!
12:00 a.m. A clip from a K’Naan video plays during the closing credits of America’s Best Dance Crew. We’re off to a promising start.
12:01 a.m. Wow, Diddy still hosts this show. Where’s Farnsworth Bentley? Shouldn't he be holding an umbrella nearby?
12:06 a.m. The guys in the house sing the theme song from The Jeffersons. It’s an especially relevant performance because the guys have, in fact, "moved on up" into a penthouse apartment financed by MTV.
12:07 a.m. The singing is done. Now we shift to the episode’s real plotline: One guy’s toddler will soon visit the house. No one is excited about this.
12:09 a.m. Commercial break with an ad for Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience. You know we’ll be there opening night with our 3D goggles taped to our faces.
12:13 a.m. Diddy puts out a call for "real musicians" to star in a new show called Making His Band. Changing "the" to "His" makes a world of difference.
12:14 a.m. The much-feared toddler arrives and a Vanilla Ice lookalike named Donnie muses on the loneliness of the solo artist. This is followed by a lame discussion about recording, playing arenas, and what it means to be a “hungry” artist. We are a hungry blogger right now. Maybe it’s time for a snack.
12:20 a.m. Already bored out of our skull, surfing the web.
12:22 a.m. Jackpot. We’ve stumbled on an incredible video for the new Jamie Foxx song, “Blame It (On the Alcohol).” The video features Jake Gyllenhaal, Forest Whitaker, Samuel L. Jackson, and, that’s right, Ron Howard. Now this is music programming.
12:23 a.m. Hmm, maybe we should be liveblogging this video instead. There’s a panda dancing around in a club. Ron Howard is sipping champagne nearby. Are we dreaming?
12:24 a.m. Oh hey, Making the Band 4 is still on. Wonder what we missed…
12:25 a.m. The demon toddler is terrorizing everyone in the house.
12:26 a.m. Donnie hits the studio and plays a keyboard in fingerless gloves. We don't need to write a joke for this.
12:27 a.m. Now Diddy’s in the studio twiddling some knobs. There is a flashing police light in the studio. Some lonely pre-teen in Milwaukee just had a seizure.
12:30 a.m. Back to another excruciatingly long MTV commercial break. Here’s a promo for Asher Roth. We're pretty sure he’s rapping about scoring with chicks in college.
12:34 a.m. Two female members of the Making the Band cast, Dawn and Aundrea, sing at a club in San Francisco. The crowd goes mild.
12:37 a.m. Back to commercial. T.I. is going to jail, in case you didn’t know.
12:41 a.m. Time for a Diddy public service announcement: “Guys, be a father to your children.” Thanks for the advice, Diddy!
12:43 a.m. Someone just said the word “music.”
12:55 a.m. Not much else to report on the music front. Dawn and Aundrea get drunk, then go back to the house and get (fake?) mad at the guys for leaving the kitchen a mess. The crazy toddler goes home and everyone survives. This is what the music biz is really like, people.
1:01 a.m. Roll closing credits and another K’Naan clip. Next up is From G’s to Gents. There’s our man Farnsworth Bentley!
So what’s the verdict on MTV’s fate? Does it still deserve to be called “Music Television”? Weigh in below and help us decide.
Topics: Entertainment, Celebs & Stuff
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