No one enjoys homework. That's why it's not called "Rad Work," or "Skull Robot Tasks." But homework is an inevitable part of education, even at unusual institutes of learning. We here at SparkNotes rounded up our favorite unorthodox schools, and while we're not exactly sure what kind of homework they assign, we have some guesses. If you're unhappy with your current workload, you might want to consider a transfer.
School of Mime
Possible homework assignments: Buy a glass room for perfecting your craft. Isolate yourself (or live amongst the deaf) to resist the urge to speak. Practice ignoring hecklers and those who wish you harm. Invest in as many black and white stripped shirts and vests as you can afford. Give up dreams of ever being taken seriously.
Coney Island Circus Sideshow School
Possible homework assignments: Perform esophagus research followed by self examination. Do things with nails. Do not bathe. Look into buying a snake. Grow things on your body. Remove all sense of dignity. Dull sword edges. Shrink or increase your size to an interesting proportion.
Read on for five more alternatives to your boring public high school.
Real Magic School
Possible homework assignments: Write and memorize pompous magician banter. (Extra credit: Use flamboyant hand gestures). Grow longer hair. Perform your act in front of either kindergarten students or elderly people, as they will be the most appreciative audiences. Continue with your bird-hiding exercises (four sets, eight reps a set). Sew pockets into everything. Act like a dick.
London School of Puppetry
Possible homework assignments: Use googly eyes to personify inanimate objects such as socks, mittens, and shadows. Strengthen hand muscles by crushing apples in your fist. Study different ways to teach rudimentary concepts such as "The alphabet," and "What to do if you're lost." Buy hair-like string and felt.
Fencing School
Possible homework assignments: Refuse to fight with anyone who is not standing directly in front of you. Fight people using archaic weapons and unrealistic combat tactics. Try as best you can to complete the statement: After the Olympics, I will use my skill as a fencer to _____. (Take as much time as you'd like.)
Watchmaking School
Possible homework assignments: Learn that the word horology refers to the art of clockmaking. Make your own cogs out of very tiny, jagged wheels. Train for the upcoming kickball tournament against those arrogant Compass Makers. Visit a local electronics store and educate nearby shoppers on the superiority of analog timepieces. For the purpose of dexterity, try to shrink your own fingers with various lotions and acids.
Shoemaking School
Possible homework assignments: Find and capture elves.
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