The Joy of Competitive Homework
Homework is boring. To make it less stultifying, some experts suggest turning your assignments into a game. This writer recommends setting a timer, and then trying to beat the clock. Perhaps this seemed riveting before balls or fun were invented, but it's hardly what we'd consider a good time. What DO we consider a good time? Glad you asked.
We recommend something along the lines of a drinking game—but without the alcohol or throwing up, obvs.
Memorize (or print, cut out, and laminate) the point list below. During the course of your reading, if you come across any of the listed words, phrases, or situations, award yourself the appropriate points. For best results, double the points to make them more impressive.
2 pts. – For each noun.
3 pts. – For each verb.
4 pts. – Ellipsis.
2 pts. – Metaphors about temperature.
8 pts. – Metaphors about bulldozers.
6 pts. – Palindromes.
5 pts. – The name Frank or Glen.
5 pts. – Any one of the Great Lakes.
8 pts. – Outdated adjectives (e.g. "peevish").
12 pts. – An upside down, backwards question mark.
4 pts. – The word "moreover."
6 pts. - A poverty-stricken character.
1 pt. – The major theme of "Society and Death."
15 pts – The major theme of "Robots are stronger than pythons."
3 pts. – Orphans.
40 pts. – An orphan named Batman.
16 pts. – If farming is NOT mentioned at all.
8 pts. – Chapter numbers written in roman numerals (add four for roman numeral chapters that are also prime numbers).
5 pts. – Use of the phrase "save for" instead of "except."
9 pts. – The word "color" spelled with a "u".
11 pts. – More than five paragraphs on a single page.
3 pts. – Tuberculosis and/or scarlet fever are alluded to, but never mentioned outright.
7 pts. – The quote: "Get the doctor! Quick!"
17 pts. – The quote: "Onions?"
5 pts. – Word that ends with an apostrophe T.
12 pts. – Word that ends with an apostrophe J.
4 pts. – Adverb referring to the way in which someone runs down a path or dirt road.
7 pts. – The sentence you're reading unintentionally rhymes with the preceding sentence.
9 pts. – In the story, oranges are considered an acceptable Christmas gift.
4 pts. – There's a fire.
6 pts. – There isn't a fire.
3 pts. – A Christ figure.
For instances in which two different point values can be awarded, add points together (i.e. if the book uses a Great Lake to make a metaphor regarding temperature, award yourself points for "Great Lake mention," "temperature metaphor," and "noun," if applicable).
Add up your score, and then compare with your friends. The only thing more fun than this game is a slinky on escalator.