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Love, Thongs, and the Art of 25 Things

Love, Thongs, and the Art of 25 Things

By Emily Winter

Happy Monday! I promise, there’s cause to celebrate. It’s a new week, which means we’ve officially started the backlash to the backlash against Facebook’s 25 Things. Now you can publicly go back to liking it…and this is a good thing, really.

What's special about Facebook's 25 Things is that it's the perfect vehicle for presenting just the right information about yourself to woo potential bfs, gfs, and friends. Think of it as the most sincere, authentic version of yourself... airbrushed.

Here's how to create that Photoshop-fabulous outline of your life:

THE 25 THINGS LIST FORMULA

1. Obvi, start with a zinger.
“Many thoughts ran through my head when I was held at gunpoint. This was the third: ‘I will never be able to savor Papa John’s garlic butter sauce again.’”

2. Steal a zinger from a friend (who's not tagged on your list!).
“If I ever decide to end it, I’m gonna stuff my coat with an assortment of delicious, individually-wrapped treats and jump off a skyscraper so that when my body hits the ground, there will be an explosion of candy.”

3. Set the mood.
“I’m listening to this song right now.”

4. Surprise them with contradictory things that are both true.
“I think it’s sad that what used to be called ‘selling out’ for career advancement opportunities is now called ‘cross-marketing.’”

5. “I am willing to cross market for career advancement opportunities.”

6. Construct a mystery.
“I stopped taking life so seriously after reading a book.”
(What is this magic book?! They will have to ask you in person!)

7. Back up your statement. (I've dug myself into a show-the-world-you-don’t-take-yourself-too-seriously hole. Here goes:)
“My butt kind of itches.”

8. Show your vulnerability.
“Even after it’s been well-documented that I’m a talentless musician, I still really want to play drums in a band.”

9. Now that you’ve gone soft, get sassy.
“I don’t like people who pretend to be quirky, carefree and spontaneous by filling this list with things like, ‘I like catching snowflakes on my tongue, and splattering paint all over my room!’”

10. Halfway re-nig, so nobody thinks you’re a brat.
"Don’t get me wrong, a well-planned paint splattering can be quite fun. But acting like you can splatter paint at any time with no consequences, I mean, really?”

11. Tell a story that needs more explanation.
“I changed my desired career path from journalism to comedy writing after attending a British funeral.”

12. Set them free with a link (and see if they return).
“When The New York Times arrives on the weekend, I tear it apart looking for this and only this.”

13. Provide a challenge for real-world materializing potential.
“I bet you a buck I can beat you at darts.”

14. Obligatory something imperfect about yourself.
“I have a pair of underwear in my regular rotation that’s eight years old.”

15. Elaborate. It’s all about the details.
“It’s a size medium black thong that says, ‘Tease’ in pink sparkles.”

16. Say something spiritual or deep. (Or, you know, fake it.)
“I think it's important to have a guiding life philosophy.”

17. Elaborate.
“My life philosophy is ‘Most people are stupid and suck.’”

18. Balance out with a thoughtful or silly something, depending on what's needed.
“It’s a work in progress.”

19. Make an observation about the world.
“I hate that if you’re late on the viral video uptake, all you can find is the remix. I still haven’t seen the original Christian Bale meltdown.”

20. Ask for help. (Not in an “I’m going to fill my coat with delicious, individually-wrapped treats and jump” way).
“I really want to write a young adult novel about a 13-year-old girl from the 1880s who gets time warped to present day. World War II and ironically-worn leg warmers will both be discussed. What do you think?”

21. Lay out your fantastic fantasy future.
“When I get my own apartment, I’m going to fill it with pillows, parties, and raw cookie dough.”

22. Something really short.
“Mmm, cookie dough.”

23. Demand a present!
“I could really use a new set of drumsticks.”

24. One last zinger.
“I've never been in love.”

25. Reference something from earlier.
“Re: #15. I still love pink sparkles. And I’m still a...

size medium.”

Topics: Digital, Life

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